Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
