There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
