Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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