Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
