You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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