Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
