We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize