About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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