I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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