well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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