After last night, I could never be a politician.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Semen is not good for contacts.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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