accomplished twins. life is a go
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
