get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
