you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
