just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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