He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
