why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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