does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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