Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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