I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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