My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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