And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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