i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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