is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
