I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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