I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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