He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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