Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
