Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
