3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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