Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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