Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
