Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize