I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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