she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
