He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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