Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
