So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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