Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
