too bad you live with your parents still
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
