New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
