dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize