He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it hurts more in the daytime
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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