I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
