The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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