was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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