Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
