Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
