took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize