He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
