It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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