took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
