im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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