Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
