i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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