I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
