If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
