Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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