Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize