I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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