me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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