I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
