What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
